Chronicles of Narnia: Why You Stay With the Hot Guy.

Um, so Narnia movie. I don’t feel like I can critique the actual movie because I only showed up to ogle the star (Which kind of made me feel like a dirty old woman in theater full of ten-year-olds and their grandparents, while Colleen, Mary, and I were drooling and making inappropriate comments.), but anyways.

Good, cute, interesting. I got lost like majorly because the only time I saw the first one was two weeks ago when it was ABC, and frankly I got bored by 9:00 and read through the last hour, so I was like, wait? They got old? And then young again? And what the hell is up with the horn? God knows I never read the damn books, because my mother was always not so much into anything fantastical and this is why the only acquaintance I have with fairy tales involve Disney movies.

Very good vs. evil, with the evil guys clearly labeled by their greasy black hair (they were probably Catholic, too. Greasy, black-haired guys in vaguely medieval movies usually are. It allows the rational Protestants to flounce around in all their blond glory more convincingly), and the good guys had talking animals, so that’s clearly a good guy trait, no? The CGI was cool, Liam Neeson’s voice was cool, and I must admit the battle scenes were pretty bitchin‘.

Even if I did feel like I was watching LOTR: 2.0 half the time. What is it with fantasy writers and their mountain-top cities with round platforms handy for falling onto or from and does it never stop raining???

Through most of it Imladris and I were commenting and laughing at the sheer laughability of it all. Like Spain? Apparently invaded Narnia. And the accent? Changed like every three lines.

None of this actually matters, though, because Prince Caspian? Is my new favorite person in the whole world. I’m going to stalk him, and then offer to gestate his children, and then raise them to be like the kids in the “Ow, Charlie!” video. Ha! See? If I marry him, I don’t even need constant access to BBC. This is so much more practical!

Yeah. He’s pretty.


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