Legally Blonde Did Not Prepare Me For The Real World

The LSATs?

Fuggin’ hard, y’all.

It’s LSAT week here in my self-imposed Summer of Crazed Studying For Tests I Won’t Take For a Year, and DAMN.

In Legally Blond, Elle idly read the prep book on the the stairmaster, and then flounced off to take them, received her insanely high scores and got engaged on the same night.

I read several sample questions and got dizzy. Also started to cry a little when “Put self out of misery with board-approved #2 pencil” was not one of the multiple choice answers. I was told that my background in logic and the fact that I’m an “algebra” person (As opposed to those wacky, spatially-oriented geometry types. I prefer to trip over my shoes, but apparently I score higher on standardized tests.) would make things easier. Ha. I disagree.

This test (remember, this TEST I’M ONLY TAKING FOR FUN AND HOW THE FREAKING HELL AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY NOT ELIGIBLE FOR PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS?!?!?!) is also administered under third-world conditions, where you’re holed up in a room for five hours with three pencils (not mechanical) and a solitary tampon.

No. I’m serious. You can bring pencils and a feminine hygiene product. I’m guessing some girl put herself through law school, realized she was $200,000 in debt and probably didn’t even want to be a lawyer in the first place, and decided to feign toxic shock syndrome and sue the administrators of the test.

Hey. That actually sounds like a plan.

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