Never fails.

A seven hour shift will always give one blog fodder. And bang-one’s-head-into-a-wall fodder. Or is that just me.

Before we get to the crazy, can I be sentimental for a moment? It was really weird to be back at work like everything was totally normal and my life hadn’t completely fallen apart since I was there last. It was kind of a fluke that I was off the last week, so I didn’t even have to call in and say, “Um, yeah, not coming in today.” and it’s so weird that it’s all finished now and back to work. Really, really weird.

Okay. Crazy. Let’s start with when one manager and a customer were, like, totally orgasming over Daniel Silva, and his suits! And his articulateness! And whatever! Um. Okay. I don’t get it. And coming from someone who almost freaking preordered In Treatment? That’s saying something.

Then I got a phone call from some woman wanting “the new Obama book”. Which one, lady? The presses are spewing Obama books. Seriously. Like it was the second coming or something. But she doesn’t have a title, or a spelling on the last name, or a first name. But you must know what it is! It’s the hot new seller about Obama!

So I roam for a few minutes, claw through the stacks of Obama books on the new release shelf and ask everyone else who was working and none of us know of this book. I relay this to her, and she huffily hangs up.

Three minutes later the phone rings again. “Hi, I called about a book a few minutes ago?” Yeah, I remember. This time she has a title, Obama Nation. She helpfully suggests, “Obama. Like the guy running for president.”

As opposed to all the other Obamas out there having books written about them. I may not be voting for him, bitch, but I’m not stupid.

I finally find the book in the system, but it isn’t being released until next Tuesday. I tell her this. She doesn’t respond well.

Woman Who Is So Stupid She Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Vote (WWISSSSBATV): Well, I need some placed on hold.

Morena: Unfortunately, I can’t place anything on hold until the street date. I could order some copies for you, but that would take longer.

WWISSSSBATV: *Slowly, as though to a child. A particularly slow child.* No. What I want to do is prepay for five copies, and I’ll pick them up later.

Morena: I absolutely cannot sell any book before the street date, no matter when you pick them up.

WWISSSSBATV: Well! I don’t understand this! Schwartz is selling them!

Morena: I wouldn’t know anything about that. They shouldn’t be. It’s illegal. I would get sued.

WWISSSSBATV: *humph* Fine. *hangs up phone*

Morena: *considers prostitution as a possible alternative career*

All that and three children asked me if I could sell them advanced copies of Breaking Dawn because they were “OMG going to be on vacation.” I’m sorry, wee ones. Did you not live through the Harry Potter phenomenon? I had to sign a freaking release saying I wouldn’t touch the crates of this damn vampire book. Sparkles or no.

Gah, people are stupid.

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