Courtesy of Everyone On the Bus

Dear Annoying Couple,

Hi there. I’m the girl sitting in the seat across from you, scowling. Yes, that’s right. I’m scowling at you. Not at the bleak sky, or the fact that I’m sick of school and just really want to go home, or even at the twelve people who are scowling at me because I do not think that Barack Obama is Jesus returned to us in a more region-appropriate skin color and choose to tell UWM the world about this through a button on my bag. No, I’m scowling at you.

Because the bus? Is not cuddle time.

It is not the appropriate place to nuzzle each other. It is not the appropriate place to lightly kiss, grinning widely. It is not the appropriate place to mumble incoherently into each other’s (ungroomed) hair. It is not the appropriate place to grin smugly and condescendingly out at the rest of us poor losers without someone slobbering on our jackets (And yeah, we’re all staring. And not with envy.) It is emphatically not the appropriate place to lie down on his lap and then just…cuddle.

All of these things are nauseatingly okay to do in the comfort of your own apartment/back of the car/underneath a bleacher when your roommate/mom/parole officer is out of vomiting distance.

But definitely not okay on a bus. Some of us are already nauseated and our rapidly plunging electrolytes might not be able to handle one more Eskimo kiss.

Also rather inconsiderate. The bus is crowded. There is a guy standing. If you are going to sit on each other’s laps, would you please just do so and allow that poor guy to sit down, instead of having to slide underneath your butt as you lean in for another nuzzle? (He didn’t, I’m just saying that’s what would have had to have happened.)

So please, Annoying Couple. Please save the making out until you exit the rear of the vehicle. The student population thanks you.

Love,
Morena

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