We all know that last summer I read My Life with the Saints because of an interview segment. Lately, I’ve been looking for a new saint. Or rather, I was on a website that was totally not a fan blog and totally not reading comments when the woman who runs the site mentioned that she lost her St. Benedict medal and wanted a new one for Christmas. I immediately thought 1.) oh, that’s kind of adorable, and 2.) I WANT ONE.
Except not St. Benedict. Because I am not a spelunker, a monk, or suffering from a gallstone issue.
*Please note: I do not want everyone who reads this go out and buy me a medal like that year when I mentioned A History of Violence was kind of a cool movie and I ended up with more copies than Viggo’s mom. I asked my mom for it, I’m thinking she’ll take care of it. :)*
Anyway. I needed a saint to put on the medal that I want. I don’t have a saint. I already have a crucifix and a Miraculous Medal, so I’m out of luck with those. I kind of got screwed at birth when my parents didn’t give me a saint’s name. My confirmation name is Elizabeth, but that’s mostly because I didn’t want to end up with a FOURTH Christian name.
So I am forced to search for patronage. Which is fine, I am almost positive that in the two thousand years of Church history, surely someone has gotten a useless doctorate. Right? Or art history. I mean, during the Renaissance, the Church was the only reason there was any art.
I’m positive that at least one cardinal was in it for the glorification of Christ and not just something nice to show his mistress when he walks her through the hallways. (“What’s the stench, honey?” “Oh, just our souls. But look! Bernini!”)
Because there is no patron saint of historians or theological historians (which I’m halfway convinced is just something Marquette dreamed up to bilk me out of another 30k a year), at least not officially. Apparently, Bede is the front runner, but all the pages are blogs and I found as many saying that he wasn’t. Also, he is famous for mistranslating some primary sources, and I do not need any more help in the mistranslating department, Bede. Thanks but no thanks.
Art history apparently doesn’t exist at all as a profession (In the real world either! Ha! I’ll be here all week!), and the closest you can come is archivist or archaeologist. *sigh* I am not an archivist or an archaeologist. I am interested in High Renaissance and later. The didn’t bury a whole lot of Caravaggio’s.
The closest two were Catherine of Alexandria (by far the best Catherine) or Jerome, both of whom are apparently more helpful than God when it comes to intercessions. If I were a travelling knife maker in Piceno, Italy who moonlighted as a wheelwright? I’d go to Catherine. A monk who is also a librarian, and struggling with anger issues? Jerome.
St. Jerome seemed like a good choice, as he is apparently the patron of all things dorky and scholarly, and hello! If you were a girl we’d be finished by now!, but not history per se. And since I haven’t exactly written that thesis on the synoptic vs. Johannine traditions yet, so I feel like a fraud going to the Biblical scholarship guy. (Although maybe he could help me with financial aid?)
Also, I kind of want a girl.
So we’re left with Catherine! Who is like perfect, except if we’re going for specifics. (Which, apparently, I’m not as my chosen profession doesn’t require intercession. I beg to differ, Vatican. Y’all are priests. You have the cushiest gig EVER. Did you ever have to write a dissertation while your eggs were falling out of you at approximately one every twenty-five pages? No? NO.)
I’m sorry. I’m a little bitter.
She’s the patron of female students, which I am. And she’s supposedly wicked helpful, and I need that if I am ever going to be gainfully employed. In a rather ironic note, she supposedly appeared to Joan of Arc, which only makes sense if you know me, but if you do, then it totally does! And she’s had a bunch of pretty paintings done of her. So we’re almost at art history. Certainly closer than “archivist”.
And Catherine is as close to Kathleen as you can find.
There you go. Saint found.
It’s her feast day, so that’s why you got this ridiculously long post tonight.