Existential Breakdown

No, not the one where I freaked out and started sobbing in front of the heating guy, the counter guy, a plumber, I think?, and my cousin’s roommate because OH MY GOD THE PIANO IS GONE AND I LOVE MY MOMMY AND OH YEAH FINALS I AM THIS CLOSE TO A 4.0 WANT TO DIE ZOMG.

Please. That was yesterday.

No, today I was working and two UWM professors came in. I was listening to them talking about the apparently weekly “doom-and-gloom” meetings in each department. Words like “hiring freeze” were tossed around.

Awesome. I clearly picked a fantastic time to attempt to find a job without any actual practical skills, except for liking to wear jeans an drinking in the afternoon.

I felt like asking either of them if they were looking for an opinionated assistant. I wouldn’t have to do anything terribly historical even- I’d go get their drycleaning. Hell, I’d do their drycleaning. Just please tell me I didn’t make a stupid decision and will end up teaching remedial English to crack addicts for $25k a year while I can’t afford a Swiffer to dust off my freaking historical theology Ph.D.

Yeah. Hypothetical Gay Couple had better be looking for a long-term living arrangement.

Meanwhile, my mom just got a UWM catalog and found a two-week summer program at Trinity College in Dublin that she thinks would be just so much fun for me to do!

You know what would be not so much fun.? Having to become a prostitute for the next nine months to afford to do so. That’s what.


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