License to be creeped out.

Last weekend, I was bored. Like, wicked bored. Frankly, there are only so many hours you can spend on Facebook looking at bumper stickers before growing disgusted that ALL of them are about sparkly vampires but I guess that makes sense because if you are out of your teens you are ostensibly supposed to have more to do than just hang out on Facebook. To which my reply is- bah! Clearly you have never had to avoid studying for the GRE!

ANYWAY.

I went on the library’s website (because I am too poor to afford Blockbuster anymore) and scrolled through all 55 pages of recent release DVDs, including several Spanish titles that I couldn’t translate, because I am approximately the last person in the United States to have gotten through grade and high school without learning ANY Spanish whatsoever.

(But should you need to know what the hell the ablative tense in Latin is, I’m your girl.)

One of the titles I did recognize was License to Wed, a romantic comedy that I kind of wanted to see when it came out a year and a half ago (wow, I’m old.) I love Robin Williams, I adore and want to marry John Krasinski, if only because I think it would be hugely karmic if I had to hyphenate my current last name with Krasinski, and Mandy Moore generally doesn’t makes me want to kill her. When she’s a brunette. When she’s a blond, I want to strangle her with her own weave. But brunette I’m okay with. Sounded funny, and hey, free.

Except…not. Robin Williams is this weird minister who kind of follows them around making sure they’re not having any sex for the three weeks before the wedding. And they break up (because who can go three weeks without sex? Right? This is the major premise of the movie.), and then of course they get together after she goes on their honeymoon alone, and Robin Williams shows up with his weird little fat kid sidekick.

I don’t know. But by the end of the 89 minutes I had lost any respect I had left for John Krasinski after he started dating Karen in real life.

I think I know why Robin Williams’ wife left him after 18 years. She saw this.

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