John: I’m probably a little bit hard on myself.
Mom: No, really? You all are like that. You’re crazy. And your father and I never pushed you guys into ANYTHING. We’ve been nothing but supportive. You *pointing at me* couldn’t talk and we thought you were brilliant! But no, John’s horrible at guitar, Colleen’s horrible at everything, and if Kathleen doesn’t get an A she’s worthless.
Me: No, we do this all to ourselves. We know that.
Dad: What are we talking about?
Mom: How psychotic the children are.
Dad: Ah, yes.
Mom: I mean God knows we never pushed you into sports!
Dad: Thank God you guys never got into soccer. I did not want to go to all those games.