I just opened my e-mail account, murmuring a prayer that maybe a professor-any professor- had decided to cancel class and my actual life could catch up with my head, which mentally checked out and has been on Spring Break since sometime last Thursday I think and whatever dude, I cannot remember the difference between the Battle of Antietam and the Battle of Vicksburg and furthermore, why do you care? Have you nothing else going on in your life than grading these tests that come at an absolutely alarming frequency?
Imagine my surprise when the first e-mail was entitled “Vote Naked!”
Um. No thank you. I live in small town Wisconsin. It’s really cold. And I don’t want to see any of my neighbors voting au natural. It’s embarrassing enough to keep forgetting what district you live in and then completely not be able to figure out where your street is on the little map that they provide for newcomers
and stupid people who have lived here ten years.
Once I read the e-mail, it became apparent that it was an offer for an absentee ballot. Thus allowing me to vote for the Wisconsin Supreme Court in whatever manner of undress I so choose.
Along with this disturbing almost voyeur-esque interest in my voting whilst in the nude, Fair Wisconsin would like me to know that while it may not be “sexy like elections for President, senator, or governor,” the Supreme Court is still very important!
Okay. First issue: Don’t get me wrong. I loved voting for President for the first time last November. I was thrilled. I even waited until the actual day and went alone because the rest of my family sucked and did the absentee thing (I believe they were clothed.).
But I did not find it terribly arousing. While Obama certainly tops the list in this twisted “Marry, %#*, Push off a Cliff” game, I do not find him that attractive. Senator? My senators are Herb Kohl and Russ Feingold. I want to throw up a little even thinking about them in the same sentence as sex. And governor? Oh, my God, I think my poor laptop will give up if I discuss Jim Doyle and any bodily function except retching in a corner.
Say what you want about their politics (and I will come right out and say I disagree with all of them), there is not enough alcohol in the world.
Second issue: I love the Supreme Court. I think it’s incredibly sexy. I mean, I’m talking about the federal one, and I don’t mean the individuals, although I’m not sure I’d kick Roberts or Alito out of bed, but the whole thing- opinions and arguments and they’re all really rich and could pay off my students loans and whatever, I’m not looking for much, just buy me a doctorate and we’ll get along just fine!
And I think enough of it will rub off and I’ll vote for the state Supreme Court. Unless there’s something tremendously important going on that day, like the relase of Kelly Clarkson’s new CD.