I have a hundred years of failed Irish rebellions to memorize.

Me: Hi, what can I get for you?

Little Boy: Do you know if you have a new elevator certification?

Me: I don’t…what?

Little Boy: Your elevator certification.

Me: Um…

Little Boy: It’s out of date by a year.

Me: I…um…I’m sure we’ve gotten a new one.

Little Boy’s Dad: Haha, yeah, we think he’s going to be an inspector.

Me: Haha, yeah, I don’t care.

God, don’t these people know I’m trying to study here? Order something or leave me alone.

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