My emotional nakedness! Let me show you it!

We showed the house today, for the first time. To a lovely woman who was perfectly nice and didn’t say anything like, “Hey, why did you drop so much paint on the floor?”

(She did say “Oh! How nice! A small dining area!” about the perfectly large formal dining room, but I digress.)

But she obviously did not understand. No one understands. No one understands what we’ve gone through to get that house to be adorable and bright and cheery (other choice adjectives from today).

With the caveat that I love that house and I knew it had to be done, these have been the worst ten months of my life. I’m counting the months Grandpa lived with use and both times my mom had cancer. We’ve been through hell and back with that house, and no one who is going to rent it will understand that.

No one understands the horror of having to walk in there in August. I don’t think anyone is ever ready for that, but it was horrible. I still spend half the time I’m there crying. Today I started crying because I looked at the little strip of paper on the register.

My mom got %*#(&%# CANCER halfway through this thing, and other than arranging to have the floor delivered a week later, we didn’t stop.

I don’t think anyone will ever understand how it felt that day I freaked out and had to call Mary from the end of the driveway. No one will understand what it felt like to hear them throwing your grandparents’ furniture in a dumpster. No one will ever understand what it’s like to finally not be able to take it anymore and have a major meltdown in front of the electrician.

Yes. It’s freaking adorable. Wanna see the scars from when I burned my wrist or fell down the stairs or impaled my shoe and part of my foot on a nail? I remember painting the back hall while my dad was listening to the Brewers play in that wild card game last fall. They’re half way through another damn season already! THAT’S WHY IT’S ADORABLE.

So I’m thinking that we need to put out before and after pictures, or maybe hand people a card with the URL for this page, just so that they can truly appreciate what a fantastic house that is. Because the fact that we made it go from this monstrosity-

…to this-

…in ten months while dealing with unbelievable grief that doesn’t seem to be getting any better, starting college, going to school, full-time jobs, and major medical problems? As Aunt Helen said last night, it’s miraculous.

Now. If we could just have another miracle that would allow me to graduate and get a job that would allow me to live there, that would be fantastic.

Because I understand. And I will never forget.
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