Despite what follows, I am fairly intelligent.

I’m not a music person. I like music. It’s lovely and it is necessary to pass the time whilst walking or running or something, but I’m not a music geek who has thousands of songs that I absolutely love. When I got my iPod, I figured 500 songs? Probably like three hundred too many. Imagine my dismay when I was greeted with a scary graphic the last time I hooked my iPod up to my laptop that told me I only had a fraction of a percentage left of available space. What will I do? What happens if Katy Perry releases another nauseatingly catchy single? WHAT THEN WORLD???

So I had to do a little pruning. I sat down with a box of Kleenex and prepared to get very emotional at sending some of my favorite songs ever off to the unseen depths of my iTunes library, never to be heard from again. Until I realized that wow, I have a lot of crap on there, and yeah, most of these I’ve never actually listened to.

Here are some of the tracks that ended up being pulled-

Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony– I really can’t stand like fifty-seven of the fifty-nine minutes of it, and that is wasting a valuable hour of real estate here. We have important Britney Spears songs that could be utilizing this space.

Daughters, John Mayer– I hate John Mayer, and I have a lovely relationship with my father. This entire song is thus unnecessary. Gone.

Don’t Stop Believin’, Journey– Excellent song, but who needs Journey when you have the Glee cast? I certainly don’t.

Have a Nice Day, Bon Jovi– Is it just me or does Bon Jovi really only sing one song? I have It’s My Life and Living on a Prayer- I think I’ll be okay without this one.

Human, The Killers– Meh. I’m over the alt-rock. And it reminds me of painting cabinets. *shivers*

Kiss From a Rose, Seal– I loved this song when it was the backing track for a Phantom of the Opera fan video. On it’s own? Notsomuch. Although now that I have safely passed through puberty, I’m not sure I’d be so fond of the POTO fan vid anymore, either.

Numb/Encore, Linkin Park w/Jay-Z– I’m a little white girl. Why do I bother?

O Fillii et Fillae– It’s not Easter anymore, and this is a freaking long song.

Over my Head (Cable Car), The Fray– What the frick is the Fray still doing on my iPod? It is NOT 2006 anymore.

Romeo and Juliet, The Killers- Um. Yeah. We have Taylor Swift’s Love Story now? I have no need for your 2007 musical retelling.

Impossible, Kelly Clarkson– I am generally in favor of the new Kelly CD (as I am in favor of most things Kelly does, including putting on a few lately, if only because it makes me feel better), but this song kind of drags. Dumped.

Whew. Right? I know what you’re thinking. That was tough. But the songs that are left must form an amazing, 400 song-long playlist of AMAZING music, right? RIGHT? Well. Here are some of the songs left on my iPod-

Stacy’s Mom, Fountains of Wayne– I freaking love this song. I’ve always wanted to name my first little girl Anastacia, and then I’d be Stacy’s mom. That makes me SOOO happy.

Leave (Get Out), JoJo– Shut up and stop judging me.

Don’t Stop Believin’, Glee Cast– BEST SONG EVER OMG.

Godspell Soundtrack– Because what if I want to listen to it the whole way through?

TWO versions of Your Song– Sometimes I’m feeling classic and sometimes I just really want Ewan McGregor (to sing to me.)

Enough Cher songs to make a drag queen weep– But I love them! ALL of them!

Hooked on a Feeling– Because I was raised by a guy who frequently laments that NO music will EVER be as good as the AMAZING tunes of the ’70s. I maintain that that is okay, because our hair is better.

I Wanna Be Bad, Willa Ford– I am quite possibly the least bad person you have ever met.

Lacrymosa, Evanescence– See? See what they did there? They made it “Lacrymosa” instead of “Lacrimosa”. Because I am secretly an emo child.

My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion– Because I’m still not over being forbidden from seeing Titanic in theaters.

Truly, Madly, Deeply (UK Radio Edit), Cascada– Oh, you know what? I give up. I suck.

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