Dear Guy Standing Behind Me in Line,
Hi. First of all, could you take a giant step back? Because there’s kind of an honor system here in…oh, any place with stores, really. You’re not supposed to violate the bubble around a girl who’s desperately hoping her credit card won’t be declined. (It wasn’t! Whoo!)
Also. I appreciate your thinking that the coat I’m purchasing is pretty. I really do. It is pretty. I friggin’ love it. (Hence the need for the possibly overdrawn credit account.) However, you don’t need to keep commenting on it. And how beautiful you think it is. And you really need to stop looking at me.
Because see that woman over there in the next line? Yeah. She’s my mom. And despite the fact that I’m 22 and can take care of myself, she’s about ready to beat you over the head with a hanger. Possibly from the coat you keep admiring. I know. Even though I can’t see her because I’m trying really hard to not make eye contact with you, I can feel her freaking out.
Also, I’m wearing what could very easily be a wedding ring. Now, it’s not actually a wedding ring that I received at a wedding in which I was the bride. But it is a ring set, and one of them is a simple silver band (I use it as a guard ring.) It’s even on my left hand, because I was trying on rings before. You have no way to know that I’m not actually married. So you’re being a jerk on top of being creepy.
So. Please pay your Kohl’s bill and then leave me alone. Thank you very much.
Well, I don’t want you to know my name, actually.