The Cool Crowd

In the Friday paper, there used to be a column where local 20-somethings would talk about what they were doing that coming weekend. They were fabulous things that definitely did not involve going to bed at 9 p.m., attempting to not swear at the lovely patrons of Borders Fox Point, or consuming one’s weight in brownies while watching Say Yes to the Dress.

Because that has totally never described one of my weekends.

Anyway. It’s gone now. Like most of the paper, actually. I think it’s a recession thing. However, I propose bringing it back. I could write it. Except it would be called the You’re-Wasting-Your-Early-Twenties Crowd.

Make no mistake, this weekend included a large number of the typical embarrassing things. I watched What Not to Wear. For awhile. Until I fell asleep. I tried valiantly to not throw a book at someone’s head and you know what, sir? I see that you’re purchasing something from the Christian fiction section. Do you know what Jesus doesn’t like? BEING OBNOXIOUS TO EMPLOYEES THAT’S WHAT. I read at Mass. That’s not really embarrassing. It’s just dorky.

But I actually did stuff too! Except even as I was actually doing stuff, I still managed to stay firmly in the “uncool” sector. I went to the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit on Friday afternoon. That was cultural and outgoing. But then I was so exhausted when I got home I did nothing else the rest of the day.

(The exhibit? Is long. Fascinating and amazing, but it took us two and a half hours to get through.)

I went out with friends on Saturday night. That’s normal. But when we were finished with dinner, one of us went back to the seminary, one spent the night reading Reformation-era theologians, and one listened to the last twenty minutes in a series of angry 16-year-olds hooking their angst up to amps and spewing it throughout the Grafton High School auditorium.

(Not John! John was lovely. And perfectly not-angsty.)

(Can you tell which one I was?)

Aaand, now it’s Sunday night and I’m watching the eighteenth version of Emma on PBS. And I think it may be my favorite, despite the disturbing lack of Ewan McGregor. Yeah. That’s right. I have a favorite version of Emma. Wow. Form an orderly queue, gentlemen.

Oh, whatever. I frickin’ love Emma. The lesson to be learned from this version is primarily- Mr. Elton: Reason #1 for Priests to Remain Celibate. We do not need your drama, Father.

I have entirely too much time on my hands.

Scene: Kathleen’s bedroom. 4:30 am.

Alarm: *goes off*

Good Kathleen: GOOD MORNING!!!

Bad Kathleen: Do not even start with me. *hits snooze*

4:40 am

Alarm: *goes off*

GK: GOO-

BK: I will cut you. *hits snooze*

5:00

Alarm: *goes off*

GK: Um…hi? I don’t want to be rude, but we really need to get up now.

BK: Umfh.

GK: What was that? Was that, “of course, let me just turn on the light”?

BK: No. It was “it’s warm and cozy and snuggly in here and I’m not leaving.”

GK: Oh, fiddlesticks! We have things to do! And if you don’t get up this second, there won’t be enough time to do them!

BK: What could we possibly have to do at five am? Surely Johnny Depp did not decide to propose last night and is waiting in the driveway as we speak?

GK: No…I don’t think so. And why would we want that? He smokes. And is probably a bad influence.

BK: You are so dumb.

GK: Anyway, we need to skedaddle.

BK: No, we don’t. It’s cold. And we’re on winter break. Surely illegal episodes of Doctor Who can be watched at ten o’clock.

GK: We need to exercise!

BK: I don’t like that.

GK: You like our clothes don’t you?

BK: I’ll buy new clothes.

GK: Not with our credit card, you won’t.

BK: Whatever. That can be done later.

GK: No! We have important actually-leave-the-house things to do today!

BK: Like what? Again, illegal episodes on my laptop. Hell, we don’t even need to shower.

GK: We have to go to UWM and make copies! Lots and lots of copies! And since we have to do that, we’re going to Mass too!

BK: Oh, great joy. Can’t you find a parish that’s within the same frickin’ county as us? And copies? Why the hell would I want to do that? I don’t like going to campus in the snow. There’s a snow emergency. We’ll have to pay for parking. And also it’s REALLY COLD OUTSIDE THIS BED SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

GK: Listen, missy. You know what you do like? Paying our bills. And going to Starbucks. And buying clothes that only fit because I make us work out. How are you supposed to do that if WE DON’T GO TO OUR JOB???

BK: But those women in the departmental office scare me. They’re always asking if we’re married or engaged.

GK: They should scare you. They’re alone and bitter and angry and I will die before I let us turn into an archetypal female academic with ovaries as dry as books.

BK: I can’t hear you over the warm snuggliness.

GK: Look. If you get up and work out and let us get going, I’ll let you unlock the door to the office that isn’t ours but we have a key to so it’s kind of like ours, okay?

BK: You will?

GK: Yes, Bad Kathleen. I know how much you like that.

BK: I really do. *pause* Do I have to wash our hair?

GK: No. But you do have to shower.

BK: Can we get Starbucks?

GK: No.

BK: Why?

GK: Because I am also our voice of fiscal responsibility.

BK: Fine. But I’m not wearing heels.

GK: Yes, you certainly are, young lady. Where would we be without me?

BK: We’d be a lot more well-rested.

GK: I am so not being paid enough for this.