Catholic Theological Union is screwing with me.

Every day when the mail arrives, I throw up a little. Not really. That’s kind of gross. But I want to, internets, and that’s the important part. Because while I’m 99% sure that of course there won’t be anything from any school I’ve applied to, there could be! And dude, I don’t see a big envelope. Which means it must be a small envelope. Which is bad news. Oh, God, please don’t let me see the Marquette return address on a small envelope.

(My head. It is a scary place sometimes.)

However, I can be certain that I will have received something from Catholic Theological Union. They were on my original list of schools. About a year ago. When I was…I don’t know, high or something, and I thought hey! Two master’s programs! At two different schools! One in a different city! I can totally do and afford this!

Ha. Hahaha. Yeah. No.

ANYWAY. I didn’t apply at CTU, mostly because of the fact that the packet they sent me was like 90 pages long and I didn’t have a week to devote to tracking down everyone who had ever seen me help a child and make them write a letter or recommendation . Also, the whole hey, why don’t you apply for a program you’re actually qualified for, moron? thing.

They haven’t gotten the hint. I still get postcards. And folders. And scholarship applications. And letters offering all sorts of assistance because they haven’t received my application yet!

I know! And it’s January! You’d think you guys would catch on already!

So. To recap. Pieces of mail I’ve received from schools I’ve actually applied to: 0. Pieces of mail I’ve received from CTU: 583,049. As of yesterday.

I’m beginning to regret not applying, to be perfectly honest; because I think they’d at least be better at the whole contact thing. I don’t think they’d consign me to the horrors of Northwestern’s application page staring blankly out at me every morning. At least I would get a frickin’ postcard or something, even if it just said, “Hi! We’re still thinking about whether or not we should crush your dreams! Stay tuned!”


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