I usually don’t like movies with subtitles. It’s not that I’m an ignorant American who doesn’t like foreign films- I do. (Life is Beautiful makes me cry every. single. time.) It’s not that I don’t like to read- I do. But trying to read and watch a screen at the same time makes me dizzy and gives me a headache.
Of movies with subtitles, I really don’t like silent movies. I hate silent movies. I took a film history class once and didn’t watch a movie for pleasure for months afterwards because they made us watch all sorts of silent movies and “worthwhile” movies and crappy Soviet Union lesbian incest love story movies (No, I’m so vehemently not kidding.) and IT WAS THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.
(Well. Kind of. That was the semester of Stalker Boy. BUT IT WAS UP THERE.)
(Because did you
hear read that? They were sisters. They were all sleeping together. In the Polish People’s Republic in 1974.)
(Again. NOT. FREAKING. KIDDING.)
At least movies with subtitles are (usually) in a different language and the accents make me laugh. But silent movies you have nothing to stare at but the weirdly drawn-on lips that apparently were wicked sexy circa 1921.
But worse than all of those (Yes, including the hairy Polish lesbians. At least they were funny.) is a silent movie with subtitles in a different language.
Also known as the ugliest language written or spoken IN THE WORLD.
(My apologies to Katie.)
So. Imagine just how awesome my Jewish European class was this afternoon. We were read a silent movie. Yep. For seventy-five minutes. And sometimes the professor couldn’t read fast enough, so I’m pretty sure she just made stuff up. Because I don’t think there’s a line about, “And now…we’re all…wait…going to party,” in the 1924 antisemitism satire City Without Jews.
I’m just guessing.
Seven more weeks.