Note: I’m not vain. I’m facetious. There’s a difference.

I wear…how shall we put this?…impractical footwear. Five inch heels, platforms, straps that cause serious bleeding- you name it, I’ve been hobbled by it. My mom still laughs about the time I fell off of a pair of wedges in a hotel room.

(Okay. That was pretty funny.)

 My spine looks like a winding country lane and I’ve done some serious damage to the nerves between my vertebrae. I don’t have the heart to tell my chiropractor that my problems probably aren’t caused by my stint as a gymnast but rather the fact that I’m only five two and YOU KNOW WHAT THAT’S NOT MY FAULT.

But they’re always cute. I may suffer greatly and end up hunched over at 60, but dammit, my shoes are cute now.

And it turns out they have a following.

I work about three minutes from my parish, where I’m a lector. And I’m unique in that capacity in that I still have the ability to bear children. So occasionally at work people will be all, “Oh! I know you!” I mean, they don’t really, and I certainly don’t know them as I spent the first three months as a lector looking down and trying not to throw up, but it’s sweet!

(Well, sometimes it’s awkward.)

Anyway, that happened on Saturday and they complimented my shoes! They said they loved seeing a young woman wearing high heels, although they were always a little bit worried about whether or not I would trip.

I thought that was really funny because every time I walk up there I can feel my mom freaking out that I’m going to fall.

Anyway, I was with churchy people on Saturday night and told this story. And my friend looked at me and said, “You know now I’m just going to be looking at your shoes tomorrow, right? And your mom’s reaction to them.”

So I showed up yesterday morning and he said, “Oh, lovely choice. And they go with the dress!*” Well, yeah. I have to give the people what they want.

It’s obviously the most important part of my ministry.

*When I then commented on how much I loved that dress because I wore it to my graduation and it makes me feel happy he replied, “Oh, I could see that. It would go well with the gown.” Uh. Yeah. I put a lot of thought into that ensemble.


1 thought on “Fetish

  1. You, my dear, are making your Grandmother proud 🙂
    Your Mother, on the other hand, does worry every Sunday as you walk down those steps…I just do not want you to be known as the lector that fell face first onto the floor three steps down…that, people will remember…I know that they will, because, back in the day, when I could still feel my foot and could wear fun shoes, I took a tumble or two…and one may have been on the steps of a sanctuary and it may have been during my wedding…and people may remember…

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