Oh, Wisconsin. I’m back after more than two weeks in the more…difficult…regions of the country. Like those with heat indexes that rival the average daytime temperature on Mercury.
And from what I hear, it’s a damn good thing I’m back. Because apparently when I left you completely lost it. There were tornadoes, earthquakes, buildings collapsing onto people, Starbucks burned down, and our elected officials cease to remember where Arizona is located.
All while I was sweating away about $45 worth of foundation* on a plantation in South Carolina.
SO. Now that I’m back I expect this craziness to stop. All buildings** will remain standing. There will be normal weather. And everyone will realize that Arizona does, in fact, border Mexico.
I’ve missed you. But you clearly need to shape up.
*This will be an entire post all its own because my own stupidity amazes me but makeup? In a heat wave? In the south? Just…pointless. I wasted a good twenty minutes of my life.
**Especially those that the firm that pays my father’s salary has ever gotten near.