It was hard for me, too.

Oh, Wisconsin. I’m back after more than two weeks in the more…difficult…regions of the country. Like those with heat indexes that rival the average daytime temperature on Mercury.

And from what I hear, it’s a damn good thing I’m back. Because apparently when I left you completely lost it. There were tornadoes, earthquakes, buildings collapsing onto people, Starbucks burned down, and our elected officials cease to remember where Arizona is located.

All while I was sweating away about $45 worth of foundation* on a plantation in South Carolina.

SO. Now that I’m back I expect this craziness to stop. All buildings** will remain standing. There will be normal weather. And everyone will realize that Arizona does, in fact, border Mexico.

I’ve missed you. But you clearly need to shape up.

*This will be an entire post all its own because my own stupidity amazes me but makeup? In a heat wave? In the south? Just…pointless. I wasted a good twenty minutes of my life.

**Especially those that the firm that pays my father’s salary has ever gotten near.

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