Hmmm…I don’t think I’ve ever liveblogged an awards show whilst vaguely sober. Emotional growth? Well, I did just have an inappropriate reaction to Jon Hamm during dinner so…eh, probably not.
7:00- Glee opening. ZOMG I CAN’T EVEN TALK ABOUT HOW EXCITING I FIND THIS.
7:02- I changed my mind, I can talk about it. The day I meet my first child will not be this awesome.
7:07- Pan to Coco as Jimmy Fallon says, “NBC asking the host of Late Night to come to LA to host a different show…what could go wrong? Too soon?” Classy, guys.
7:11- Will Jon Hamm take this presenting opportunity to proclaim his love for me? Apparently not. I lose to Betty White. Again.
7:14- Eric Stonestreet is officially my hero.
7:17- Commercial break. I begin to realize that replying to e-mails from professors while watching the Emmys and eating brownie sundaes and drinking heavily is perhaps not the greatest idea. Well. I’ll make a name for myself in the department.
7:23- Stephen Colbert. Now I don’t know who to fangirl. I mean, Stephen Colbert has that Irish-American middle-aged family guy thing that I ridiculously find attractive. But Jon Hamm is pretty much, you know, JON HAMM.
7:37- George Clooney/Modern Family mash-up. Question. Is there anything that George Clooney can’t do?
7:38- Major upset- Jim Parsons! I FRICKIN’ LOVE JIM PARSONS!!!
7:45- Edie Falco wins best actress in a comedy. Sure. the ONE woman in the comedy category that I didn’t want to win. “I’m not funny!” At least we agree, Edie.
7:50- Eh. Reality TV. Booring. I didn’t watch it on TV the first time, I don’t care about it this time. Perfect time to go get another brownie sundae.
8:00- Drama recap that includes Criminal Minds and ended with the finale of Lost. And I’m crying like a little girl.
8:02- Mad Men writers win. Now, I love Mad Men. But over Lost? The hell?
8:03- Mad Men writer is not wearing a bra. UNACCEPTABLE, LADY.
8:04- WHY IS LOST LOSING EVERYTHING??? Not even Benry, man? COME ON.
8:06- Commercial break. Okay. Emmys. We need to have a talk. You were doing okay for awhile there at the beginning- Glee cleaned up and Jon Hamm presented and there were Modern Family jokes and I was TOTALLY ON BOARD. But…now we’re into drama. And you are completely giving Lost the shaft and I’m sorry, are you new here? LOST IS AWESOME. I’m pretty sure God Himself watched TV that hour every week. So please pull it together. Love, Kathleen.
P.S. This third brownie is making me feel ill.
8:10- EMILY DESCHENAL AND NATHAN FILLION. I JUST DIED.
8:10:30- Oh, Emily. Bangs?
8:11- Some Indian chick won best supporting actress over Christina Hendricks? NO. NO. NO. I need another brownie to console myself. I think Christina would approve.
8:13- Okay. Lead Actor in Drama. You have a chance to pull it out, Emmy.
8:13:30- Seriously. That guy? That guy from Breaking Bad? YOU’RE KILLING ME EMMY.
8:21- OH MY GOODNESS ANN-MARGARET IS OLD.
8:23- “Musical tribute” to the dead shows. I’m dying. DYING. (Ironic, given the song choice of “Candle in the Wind.”)
8:26- “The Island, it was mythical and in the end they died. I didn’t understand it but I tried.” Bahahahaha. Okay. You just redeemed yourself a little bit. A little.
8:32- Kyra Sedgewick just won based entirely on her proximity to Kevin Bacon.
8:42- An hour and forty-two minutes in and I’m ready to go to bed. I’m too old for this.
8:47- “[Mel Gibson’s] been through a lot. Not as much as the Jews…” I. Love. You. Ricky. Gervais.
9:07- January Jones. We meet again.
9:11- Jimmy Smits has a new show? I love Jimmy Smits. I always forget whom I’ve shared this information with. I tend to be drunk when I’m talking about it.
9:16- David Straithairn is rambling about…teachers? I don’t know. I need more wine.
9:17- Am I the only one who thinks it’s insensitive do to the Dead People Montage to a song about a dead person?
Also, I always forget all these people died and then I get sad all over again.
9:25- Blair Underwood! We saw him! At Disney World!
9:34- “These next performers really suck. From True Blood…” Two and a half hours before the first vampire pun. What. Up.
9:38- This just in- Al Pacino is dating a 12-year-old. And I’m pretty sure he’s high.
9:42- Al Pacino could murder a cat onstage at an awards show and no one would play him off.
9:51- Lost lost. Again. I hate the world.
9:54- I have to throw up. Just a little.
9:56- GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE GLEE. Come on, Emmys.
9:57:30- Screw you and your little dog, too, Emmy. I’m going to bed.
*And by NOOOOOOO I mean, “I really enjoy Modern Family and think it’s awesome but Glee is WAY better omg.”