Dear Young Ladies,
Okay. Clearly you guys weren’t listening in May when I told you all about how business casual is (by definition) something that does NOT have a Hilary Duff tag inside.
Nope. Obviously not.
Today was kind of a weird weather day. It was 46 degrees when I got in my car this morning, and 78 by the time I got home. Okay. I get it. It’s hard to dress for a day like that.
Most of you attempted to do that by wearing short shorts with leggings*
Or, what I presume you thought were leggings, but were, in fact, pantyhose.
I understand that you are of a younger generation (a whole three or four years younger than me!) and probably don’t have a whole lot of experience with pantyhose because no one wears them unless you’re employed by a lawyer or maybe ate your weight in apple crisp last night and need a little help in the control top department…but you know what? This isn’t about me!
And see, those are two very different things. Allow me to explain. Leggings are opaque. Very. Very. Opaque. There should be no skinnage showing through. They are uniform in substance, too- there’s no fabric change when you get to the…um…crotch area. Is there a better word for that?
Pantyhose or tights? Are totally different. I don’t want to ruin the illusion for any gentlemen out there, but, DAMN, it’s not pretty under there. Control tops may be designed to make you look hot, but they are definitely not hot on their own.
Anyway. Pantyhose or tights are usually much more sheer- even if they’re heavier fabric or have a pattern. They’re more form-fitting, and really not ever intended to be worn as a piece of clothing all alone.
But the biggest thing is that the part of the pantyhose or tights that’s ALWAYS supposed to be under something is usually a different fabric. The pattern stops or the control top starts or…whatever. There’s a change.
And it’s a change that THE WORLD WAS NEVER MEANT TO SEE.
However. If you wear them with shorts or a really really short tunic? Uh. It’s gross. Really. Really. Gross.
So please. I am giving you permission just this once. Please go to Kohl’s juniors department and spend six bucks on some pants. Stretchy pants that are probably a little bit slutty, yes; BUT THEY ARE PANTS.
*I’m not even going to tackle the hot pants issue.