It’s not schizophrenia if the voices sound the same.

Scene: Bedroom, 7:30 AM Saturday

Get up. Seriously.

No.

We have lots to do today!

No.

Yes!

It’s the weekend. We finally have weekends. Remember what the weekend used to be like? With the crazy people and the standing at the info desk for eight hours and the crazy people and the endcaps and did I mention the crazy people? WE DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT ANYMORE. I’m going to celebrate by sleeping.

Yeah, well, instead we have tests to grade.

No.

You can have Starbucks.

N…wait. Starbucks?

Uh-huh.

Coffee? Or a latte?

Whatever you want, baby.

I need to check. You’ve gotten awfully thrifty since this whole “in-theory-an-actual-salary-but-not-really-enough-to-live-on” thing happened. Well, unless it comes to boots in which case you seem to be anticipating an inheritance coming or something.

You know what? You don’t need to hassle me about the boots. I LOVE boots and that’s really rich coming from the part of my psyche that decided a Blu-Ray player was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY BECAUSE OMG WE’RE PAYING ALL THIS MONEY FOR NETFLIX…

You know what? Maybe we shouldn’t fight about money. That’s how most couples break up.

What about a pumpkin spice latte?

Honey, I’ll try to get you the barista if you get out of bed and shower.

Eh. I don’t think any of them would be interested. And I still don’t really want to go.

Um…shopping! We can go shopping afterwards! You love shopping.

Oooh! I do love shopping.

I know. AFTER we finish the exams.

Target? They have a Hanukkah endcap with a table runner that I’m buying for our house.

O…okay. Sure. We’ll make sure to put it up for Easter. But you have to get out of bed and maybe work out a little bit before you can go buy that table runner.

Oka…wait! You’re going too far, missy.

You think the only thing we’re going to end up buying is the table runner? Uh, no. You’ve been eyeing that argyle sweater for weeks. You’ve been trying to figure out how much of your grocery budget can disappear in order to afford it…

What does that have to do with anything?

How do you expect to fit into it if you NEVER LISTEN TO ME about the working out???

I hate you. I wish I could fail you and write “Okay, but you didn’t really answer the question,” on your exam!

Whatever. Get in the shower.

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