Hey there! Usually I think you’re pretty smart, and generally make fairly decent decisions. (Well, okay. You’ve seriously dropped the ball on this whole writing-a-thesis thing. And that period where you wore a gray hoodie everywhere c. 2001 was just poor planning. But generally.)
But today you were really stupid.
Just because your DVR recorded eight episodes of Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids doesn’t mean that you have to watch all of them. In a row. With growing horror and nausea. And then ice cream and string cheese.
Because there is a list of television programs you should not watch while you’re bloated and PMSy and have recently agreed to be someone’s maid of honor, and Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids is at the top.
(Also on the list:
Gilmore Girls: Rory’s willowy-ness is nauseating. All the time.
Everwood: That Girlfriend’s willowy-ness is nauseating. All the time.
I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant: Other people’s stupidity is really annoying. “Well, yeah, I’ve had monstrous amounts of unprotected sex and haven’t had a period in eight months and last night I ordered a crib off of amazon without realizing it but I just am so surprised!” Bite me, you dumb whore.
Ruby on Oxygen: You’ll cry. A lot.)
Our sister is a lovely young woman with fantastic taste who couldn’t be an obnoxious bride if you paid her and has pretty much granted us the ability to choose our dress. There is no way you would ever find yourself standing on a pedestal in an Atlanta bridal salon wearing an orange tulle short gown with her saying something like, “Well, I like that it makes you look like a peacock. That goes with the theme.”*
It doesn’t matter. By hour two you were planning ways to murder her in her sleep. Just in case.
So maybe lay off the Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids for the next few months, okay, pumpkin?
And also maybe start doing something about that thesis? You know, the one you need to graduate?
Your more normal self.
*Although she did say, “So I’m going to have you guys do liturgical dance to Lady Gaga’s Marry the Night,” once.