Crazy pregnant bag lady.

I think the nesting thing has started. I’m not sure. I mean, it’s not like morning sickness where at 10:10 on Monday. November 12 it was all, BAM WELCOME TO HELL HERE HAVE A BUCKET YOU WON’T ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO THROW UP IN FOR A FEW WEEKS BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW SOME REASON.

And I certainly haven’t begun to do anything in his room yet. There’s a crib leaning up against the wall that has yet to be assembled. I think that should happen sometime next week. And I’m still throwing shower gifts and stuff in a box and not actually washing stuff yet. The shower is in about a week, and either we will be getting furniture to put all of his adorable things on or I will be ordering it (prime shipping) that night. So either way, it’s kind of silly to waste a whole lot of time in there until after that because it’s kind of…empty. And God willing we’ll have several weeks to get that straightened out after the shower.

(Although I did think he was coming on Tuesday night. Which was unpleasant. But actually ended up being less labor and more not eating and stress because the sink backed up [of course] and my husband is many things but happy and complacent upon not being able to immediately conquer any and all home emergencies despite not owning the correct tools to do so is not one of them.)

But it’s gotten to a point where I WANT to do those things. I want to set stuff up and get frustrated when I can’t. Because it’s another cruel twist of irony that God makes pregnant women a.) need everything absolutely perfect and fixed RIGHT NOW and b.) unable to lift more than 10 lbs frequently.

And I’ve made Buzz start cleaning out the kitchen cabinets. Because there’s a baby coming! And he’ll need places for bottles! And formula! And binkies! And then he’ll get solid foods and God knows Squeaks won’t want to share her dishes so we’ll need to double them and oh good Lord, we need to move.

(Another thing in the back of my head I’m refusing to deal with.)

The kitchen was never really organized after I moved in. I moved all my stuff in before the wedding because I figured the last thing we needed was to spend the first two weeks of our marriage fighting over where my stuff would go and what that meant for our relationship and past relationships and the world as a whole, I don’t know, it was stressful. And we had those fights, just before the wedding. So we came home happy and at peace with each other and got to enjoy the brief weeks before the puking started.

Except in the kitchen. Because while I was crazy and irrational, I wasn’t crazy and irrational and mean and making Buzz eat off of paper plates until we unpacked the wedding china seemed rude. So I kind of piled all our stuff in the cabinets when we got back and didn’t really arrange any of it with any thought as to how to easily retrieve it. Which is why in order to use a mixing bowl you have to extract the salad spinner and any time I use a 9×13 pan I have to slam the door shut with my foot SUPER FAST before the rest of the bakeware falls out.

But no more! Because we have been going through the kitchen a cabinet a night. And let me just say? I didn’t think we were hoarders? At least until I actually looked at how we keep all our stuff.

Like our snack cabinet. That contained two bags of expired goldfish, three bottles of B6 that I purchased while out and nauseated, and a handful of Father’s Day cards that never got given away. (Be surprised this year, gentlemen.) And eight tons of other crap that I don’t even know but once it was gone I have a place to put my generic oreos.


We also did the broom closet, which held one broom and EIGHT MILLION plastic bags. Because, I don’t know, we were going to use them? If we decided to move using only plastic bags? And also, holy cow do we spend too much time and/or money at Target.

So this morning I got to drag LITERALLY a cart full of plastic bags into Target to recycle. Like a crazy person. A crazy pregnant bag lady.

Tonight is Eva’s cabinet. I’m not sure if there’s anything in there that needs to be disposed of, but if it does, I’ve decided that’s Buzz’s job. I’ve had enough of being stared at.


I totally mean to blog like every day. And certainly at the beginning of every week. I mean, I have to-do lists, people. They’re the only way I get anything done. But it seems like it’s Wednesday before I actually get around to it. I guess that’s a good thing though, or else Squeaks will have even more to talk about in therapy one day. 

This weekend was my first official and legal Mother’s Day (well, canon law. Which is really the most important.) I mean, last year I was Squeaks’ mommy and everybody treated me like it was real but Buzz totally still could have bolted. I mean really, he had no idea how I needed to keep the bedroom at a temperature roughly similar to a meat locker in order to be comfortable. Or the tyranny of a preggy pillow. Which apparently I kicked over last night and forced him to cuddle with.

But he didn’t! And so I was still around this year, and knocked up to boot. We had a lovely day- went to church (obviously) and visited everyone and their mother (Ha! See what I did there!) and while there were of course difficult moments, it was nice to spend the day as a family. 

Also, I got super-sweet cards from Buzz and Squeaks, whose handwriting has improved since, oh, Friday. And loot- a nanny cam sort of thing so I can watch the baby at all hours while only appearing slightly crazy, and birthstone rings that hopefully will fit again one day. You know, along with my wedding rings. 

So it was absolutely lovely. 

And now some pictures:

May 8: Shape


Round is a shape. 

May 9: Snack


My favorite snack, but I have to eat it during naptime because Eva is the only other person in the world besides me who loves (like, genuinely loves) prunes and as far as she’s concerned little girls don’t drink orange juice except on special occasions. 

May 10: Star


She was a big help during the whole moving experience. 

May 11: Smile


May 12: Mother


I got to be a real mother. And I’m so happy. 

May 13: Sunset


May 14: Need


Okay. Maybe not a need in the whole “food, water, shelter” thing. But we finally got a patio set and it needed some flowers. 


We had a busy weekend of Derby parties (well, one) and napping and brunch and…okay, mostly the napping. But it’s necessary! Baby! And all that!

(Also, Baby is coming in like nine weeks. Which is frighteningly soon.)

Here are the photos from this weekend:

May 4th: In my cup



Starbucks lattes: 150 mg of caffeine and a pregnant lady’s dream. Or at least it is if you’re a bad pregnant lady and drink any caffeine at all, like I do. I also drink wine. Occasionally. And take Tylenol. Although that, frankly, is ridiculous because chewing on a tic tac is about as effective as freaking Tylenol.

Anyway. Bad pregnant lady. Still love my children.

(It has calcium! Which I only get from ice cream otherwise! So it’s a healthy choice!)

May 5th: Paper


She loves shredding. So much so that the shredder died twenty minutes after this was taken. Hmm.

May 6th: Broken


May 7th: Something beginning with an F:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy parents live on a gorgeous piece of property in the best kind of country there is- one that’s half a mile from Target and Qdoba.