February ipsy- Meh.

Ugh, guys. I was not impressed this month with my ipsy. Ipsy consistently knocks it out of the park and gives me stuff I LOOOVE and wouldn’t get to try otherwise. Not this month. This month it’s like here, have a bunch of stuff that will destroy your face and a $3 lipstick.

Even the bag kind of sucks- it’s all soft and denim “like your favorite pair of jeans,” according to the website. Problem number one. Jeans are not soft and comfy. Leggings are soft and comfy. Give me an ipsy bag that doesn’t give me muffin top and then we’ll talk.


The products were underwhelming. The NYX butter lipstick is awesome. I’ve worn it every day this week and it can a light wash of color or you can build the coverage. But it’s an NYX lipstick. Those are not that expensive and available at Walgreens. Not impressed.

The Trust Fund Beauty nail color is good, too, but nail polish is kind of inherently underwhelming.

The Marsk Mineral Eyeshadow in You’re Toast is cute, I guess, but I’ve literally gotten almost exactly the same shade in shimmery, fall-out-y eyeshadow in these bags the last few months. Meh.

The other two products I couldn’t even use. The Briogeo Rosarco Blow Dry Perfector was made with argan oil, and I tried the VENeffect Skin Care Anti-Aging Lip Treatment which is supposed to plump without stinging. Not true. It stings. A lot. And I really don’t like plumping products because anything that inherently causes an allergic reaction bugs me.

So yeah. Meh.


Ipsy and Birchbox November Unbox/bagging!

Birchbox first- because it mostly sucks. This month is all about “the finishing touch- those extra, just because details that make all the difference.”

No. I want real shit that I use all the time. I don’t want random “finishing touches.”


The box is beautiful. LIke, seriously. It will hold something out in my bathroom, because’s it’s gorgeous. All damask and blues and pinks and whites. Lovely. .

First off, the duds. It’s not really their fault that they’re duds, but this month I got two oil samples (one for hair, one a dry oil for hair or face or whatever I guess) but they both are made with argan oil. I’m allergic to argan oil. I ended up selling them on my b/s/t site, but I’m just like seriously? 2/5 of the box is shit I can’t even open and play with? Not fair. I feel like there should be an allergy thingy you can specify.

So that sucks.

The other stuff is surprisingly good! The sample I picked this month was the Chella Eyebrow pencil in Tantalizing Taupe. I’m ┬ánot super into eyebrows, because mine do not lend themselves to shaping, or so I thought. I have a pretty good system in place with the products I do use, so I wasn’t really looking for stuff, but I always like playing. This is really good. I can finish the tail and everything. It’s a little dark for me but not too bad if I don’t use a ton. I think it could work for a lot of skin tones.

The pencil is tiny, and that’s great for getting realistic brows. It’s also a really big sample. The pencil is normal sized for holding, and the product itself is like two inches. So a pretty good value.

I also got the Marcelle New Age LumiPower 3-in-1 Moisturizer. It’s a pretty small sample, but overall seems to work okay. I’m using it as an eyecream, and I can’t say I’ve noticed a huge difference, but it’s nicely plumping when I put it on.

The winner this month is the Dr. Lipp Miracle Balm. It’s also a tiny sample, but it’s a really nice almost Vaseline type balm. You’re supposed to be able to use it on your brows, cuticles, or wherever as well as lips. I’m just using it on my lips. I think I might buy this one- it’s really nice.


Ipsy was, as usual, the better of the two this month. The theme was “rockstarlet” hah see what they did there. The bag was super cute with little constellations of makeup on it.

These bags, guys. I’m in love with the bags.


I loved each and every single sample in here. I KNOW. Said no one in subscription history. BUT I DID.

I received the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara, which is a lovely as it’s the actual mascara I use all the days I don’t wear falsies. So that’s super fun. I also got the Luxie Beauty Rose Gold Small Duo Fiber Brush, which is basically a small stipple brush. I’m not crazy about the way it applies cream products, but it’s great with powder.


The Hey Honey Good Morning Honey Silk Facial Serum is AMAZEBALLS. I’m using it every morning instead of my When Hope is Not Enough, and while it’s pretty much the same for my skin, this one makes makeup sit more nicely on my skin. I KNOW.

The Absolute New York Matte Stick in Dark Red was a disappointment at first. I tried it on and I couldn’t even get a good even color off of the tip. But once I wore it down for a little bit, it’s like the perfect red for me. True red with blue undertones. Deeper in color than like Ruby Woo, but not vampy. Really, really pretty.

The winner though is the Eyeko Skinny Liquid Eyeliner in Black. I’m not a huge liquid eyeliner girl since I rarely do wings. But I do wear it whenever I wear falsies to cover the band and I find myself reaching for it literally every time. It’s a smaller sample, but the consistency is not too liquid that it runs, it dries unbelievably fast and DOES. NOT. MOVE. I wore it for like fifteen hours on Thanksgiving to church, parties, and HOSTING a party, so a big sweaty day. That ish did not move. Also a teeny little applicator which makes application a breeze for those of us who aren’t totally comfy with it yet.


Look at that TINY LINE YO.

Birchbox- bye, baby. You’re done (again.)




Ipsy August Glam Bag Unbagging!



For those of you who are responsible with your money, ipsy is a company that sends you bag with five makeup items every month in a fun bag and a super exciting pink mailer that is brighter than the sun.

FOR ONLY TEN DOLLARS. Or, what I make selling random crap of my kids’ that I find around the house. So in my newfound plan to be more fiscally responsible, I promised myself I would only keep the subscription as long as I made at least ten dollars in Kidscycle cash that month.

I know. I’ll be 29 in a few weeks. Be impressed with my almost adulthood.

Also full disclosure, this is a fake unbagging. Because when it actually arrived and I tore into it like a hungry jackal it was like 11pm, I had no makeup left, and had been eating cheese curds in the sun for like twelve hours.

I am capable of making fun of myself. But no way would those pictures have seen the light of day.

First of all, the bag.


How cute is this bag???? This bag is worth $10. (No it’s not. But it is cute.)

I love mermaids! (No I don’t. But it’s super cute for some reason.)


Now, for the actual items. Omg. I was so excited. MAKEUP. I LOVE MAKEUP YOU GUYS. Especially makeup I’m not totally familiar with.

Overall, I was impressed. The sizes were all normal or deluxe sample, except for the face mask which was just one mask.

First up, the tarte LipSurgence lip crayon.


Guys, I love me some tarte cosmetics. I can’t get enough of them. And I literally can’t afford any of them so I just steal them occasionally from my mom.

WHAT? Her closet is like the back room at QVC.

It’s a place dreams are made.

This was definitely the same quality as a tarte lip pencil sold retail- deluxe sample size, but given that the full size is $24 and I can’t imagine using the whole thing (even with the amount I wear makeup) this is totally a steal in a bag like this.

The color is Wonder, a super pretty pinky berry shade.


It went on super nicely, really creamy, and my only complaints were the one that I have every time use a tarte lip pencil- the mint smell. Ugh. I hate it when lip products smell like mint. Sometimes I can get over it, but tarte takes it to a whole new level. Like, it’s not just a whiff of fragrance. I might as well be dipping a lip brush in a julep.

But I really really really love this formula, and it stayed on super nicely. So my hangup is just that, my hangup. Really good product though.

tarte lip pencil- 4/5 (sorry, I can’t get past the smell)


The next item was an eyeshadow trio by Jelly Pong Pong, in Neopolitan. I’ve never heard of the company before, but the little bunny rabbit on the packaging assures me they’re cruelty free.

Whatever. I’d like MY eyes to not swell shut guys. But you worry about the bunnies.

Anyway. This palette looked suuuper shimmery in the container. Like, wow. All the colors came nicely when I swatched them on my arm though, so I was willing to try it.


I did a pretty typical look for me- I used a matte shade in my crease, inner highlight, the pinky color on the lid, and then the dark brown in my outer v. I don’t think I did any liner here, so I must have used the brown as a liner too.

And holy disco balls, was it shiny.


(Also- holy forehead wrinkles batman. Is 28 too young for botox???)

I’ve been using my Kat von D palette every day lately, and that’s exclusively matte shades, so maybe I’m just not used to it. But the shimmer in this palette made me feel like it was 2002 and I was starting high school. Soooo much frostiness.

There was a ton of fallout from all the colors- I actually had to wash under my eyes again after finishing. The highlight shade was really nice, went on creamily and all that jazz. Blended well. I actually really liked the color of the dark brown too, it was shimmery, but not overwhelmingly so. Soooo much fallout, but it blended well and went on really pigmented the first few swipes.

The middle shade was just a total bust. It looked pigmented, but I tried for like ten minutes to pack it on my lid and I could barely even see it. And after like an hour I couldn’t even see it.

And by the end of the day of running errands, taking care of kids, and napping (don’t judge me), really only the dark brown was remaining, despite my using primer and a base shade.

So, meh. 2/5.


The next item was a Ciate nail polish in Dangerous Affair, a deep red shade that reminds me of the Essie color I wore for our wedding. This was a full sized bottle, and overall it was fine.

I did love the color, but I felt like it went on way too sheer. I needed three coats to get t he opaque look I was going for, and that was hard to keep without smudging. I put an Essie top coat on it, and once it dried I was happy with it. It’s been three days now, I think? I don’t have any chips on my left hand, and my right hand only has a few, which is pretty impressive given that I’ve been doing my normal washing dishes, cleaning, bathing kids, etc. (And my nails are total crap.)

So 4/5 for the nail polish. Good job coming back, ipsy bag!


The next product was a deluxe sample size of Nuema neuStyling Creme, a random hair anti-frizz thing. Meh. I don’t know, it was a hair cream. That’s great, but it’s not like I used it and immediately had the bob of a Hollywood starlet. (As this hideous picture shows.)

3/5- perfectly acceptable, but underwhelming and the full size version is only $9. Eh.


The last thing didn’t fit in the bag so I immediately flipped out and was all YOU SAID FIVE SAMPLES AND THERE ARE ONLY FOUR AND WAAAAHHHH SEND ME MORE STUFF.

But it was in the mailer. Okay. Whew. Crisis averted.

It’s one single face mask, which I love, but one? Really? Booo.

And then I figured out that the full size package is $117. So…one mask it is!

I did this yesterday while my kids were gone, because I have significantly less time for sitting around with weird shit on my face than I did in high school, the last time I religiously used masks. But I was so impressed by this one, I think I’m going to get back into them. (Not this one obvs. Again. $117.) My skin felt hydrated and smooth and the smell was really pleasant. I didn’t use moisturizer the rest of the day and I was totally hydrated.

Only one problem though….


I looked like a serial killer. I watch a lot of Criminal Minds and yeah, dude, this is exactly what somebody would do with somebody else’s face and then Hotch and Co would have to come in and restore our faith in humanity.

4/5, only because of the price of the actual product and the fact that I’m now on an FBI watch list.

Overall, this bag was fun. I really liked most of the products, and even the ones I wasn’t bowled over by had some redeeming features.  I’ll definitely keep up the subscription for at least another month.

(Provided I can sell enough of my kids’ stuff.)