Nancy Drew Files of Ridiculous Awesome, Part 2


Today in our trip back to the 1980s, we join Nancy and her chums Bess (who is still chubby and eating a salad) and George (who has nothing to do with this but is occasionally leaving the room so we know she’s still friends with Nancy.) The handsome Ned is nowhere to be seen nor heard, as literally all of the men in the book are describes as varying degrees of hotness.

(Seriously, the only thing that differs is the degree of sexy graying of their hair.)

The dastardly deed that has been committee this time involved Nancy’s father, sexy widower Carson Drew who may or may not be getting it on with the housekeeper.

(Side note: I’m pretty sure Carson Drew was my first in a long line of widowers I was oddly attracted to, including Maxwell Sheffield, Captain von Trapp, Mac from CSI:NY, and well, my husband.)

(Too far?)

ANYWAY. Carson is being threatened and possibly prosecuted because he allegedly suppressed evidence of his client’s guilt, which led to another person being convicted and then committing suicide- I don’t know why that’s also Carson’s fault, but it is.

Carson Drew makes it VERY CLEAR to his teenage daughter that she has NO BUSINESS a.) messing around with his legal affairs, b.) messing around in an ongoing criminal investigation, and c.) messing around with HIS CAREER AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO EAT NANCY IF I DON’T WORK?? HANNAH ISN’T HERE FOR FUN. (Or is she?)

Nancy, once again, proves that she understands not only nothing of what comes out of her father’s mouth, but also nothing of the criminal justice system.

But to be honest, it’s not really her fault. Because in about ten minutes, she is given access to:

1.) Records from a closed investigation.

2.) Records from an ongoing investigation.

3.) Information from the first responders at a crime scene.

4.) The actual crime scene (where she finds stuff CSI missed- duh, she’s Nancy Drew)

5.) An accounting firm

6.) Accounting records

7.) Nuclear launch codes (probably)

All of this while the various authorities (and adults) say things like, “I guess you can only help us- hope you can find something we missed!” Because goodness knows 18 year olds, especially those who have lost parents, are the most reasonable and responsible of people ever.  I mean, seasoned police chiefs have nothing on them.

BUT WAIT. The criminal(s) are not going to let Nancy just waltz in and show them up (again.) No siree. First she’s run off the road, when she jumps out of the car while it’s moving. Then she’s threatened with bringing evidence against her father (turns out she also doesn’t understand how litigation works.) Finally her father is kidnapped (because he’s as bright as she is apparently.)

None of which stops those meddling kids…sorry, I got confused for a second. Frankly, a dog would have made more sense than this book.

But never fear, because Nancy is able to confuse the criminals, get them to opine for like an HOUR on their entire plan and FINALLY the police show up to arrest the guy. (Apparently, River Heights is as big as NYC. At least given the response times.)

The book ends with Carson Drew finally admitting to Nancy how much he relies on her help because he’d be in prison without her.

I’d argue that any attorney in his fifties who relies on his 18-year-old daughter to keep him out of jail should be in a psychiatric institution anyways.

But no, Nancy lives to solve another crime- stay tuned next week when Nancy goes undercover at a college (because why would Nancy Drew need anything as pedestrian as college? Pssh.) to save the world from biological weapons.

Yeah, I literally just typed it and I don’t understand it any better than you do, trust me.


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